Wednesday 12 December 2012

Confidence

How do you instil confidence in a 6 year old girl? That's a genuine question, answers in the comment box below please.

A is a happy, content, smiley little girl. She is generous, kind and genuine. She asks after others, is polite and has maternal tendencies. But she doesn't believe she is good at anything. In fact she thinks the opposite, that she is the worst. Maths is her main problem, I can't even talk about it without her crying. Mentioning maths homework causes such panicked and angry outbursts - so unlike her. She doesn't want to read, although she can. She says she has the fewest house points in her class and when she got one spelling wrong in her spelling test, she couldn't be consoled for over an hour. Poor A.

Do you think there is too much pressure in schools for some types of children, all this testing and homework and work sheets?

Or does this 'competition' set them up for the 'real world?'

8 comments:

  1. Oh bless her, she sounds like a very deep and sensitive child. Is she quite arty? I think there is too much pressure in schools for some types of children, after all we are not all cut from the same cloth. I struggled like hell with maths, still do. I believe I am number dyslexic if there is such a thing and I really have to concentrate hard to get my head around it. What do her teachers say? I come from a family of a lot of teachers (my hubby is an ex-teacher) and I must say there is so much more homework these days than there ever used to be. When on earth do children get time to just be children and also have a break and process the information they have gained in each new day? I wish you the very best in your quest.

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    1. Thanks for your lovely reply Kay. I think there is too much pressure in schools as well. I have blogged about a few times. The one-size-fits-all model just doesn't work - and now I have a child who hates learning/work/reading and trying new things because she believes she is rubbish at it. I try and give her as much confidence as possible, we have fun, let our hair down and don't talk about school when I can see her so upset. Gooooooosssshh, she's only 6...imagine what she will be like at 13. I thought primary school was about loving to learn, enjoying school, being inspired and able to try lots of new things - seemingly its phonics tests, spelling tests, work sheets, homework, SATS exams.....gah.

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    2. Sarah, I think unfortunately some children just don't like school. I hated it, I even hated nursery. I didn't want to be stuck in a room with lots of other children. I know that sounds really weird, as I made friends easily although I was a shy child. It is so sad that your girl doesn't feel she is good at anything. As hard as it is (and you have probably already done this), it may be a case of trial and error to find something she loves - baking, music, dance, art. You may just find something which carries her heart and becomes the making of her.

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    3. Exactly Kay! She does enjoy drawing and crafty activities, animals and stories. So definitely enough to keep her inspired. Thank you for your thoughtful comments, really appreciated x

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  2. I'm afraid I have no idea but really good question and I will watch your answers with interest. Great post x

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    1. Yes I will interested in what others have to say as well! Thanks for reading/commenting.

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  3. 'When we make mistakes we learn, afterall if we already know how to do it, we haven't actually learnt anything.' This was the sage advice offered by my daughter's teacher last year. Having said this my eldest still freezes like a rabbit in headlights everytime she comes across something new in Maths. She has a real block. I try to break things down to the very simplest steps so that she can succeed at each step, very slowly building confidence. She had a simililar outburst at the end of last term about not being good at anything which is crazy because actually she is very good at most things at school - even Maths once she has relaxed. But she really believed it so i started an excercise which is a bit corny but maybe it helps. Every so often we run through the things that each of us in the family are good at. We talk about what we think we are good at and what other people think we are good at. Of course this is not just about academic abilities but also about being caring, empathetic, good at finding lost things, excellent at helping etc, etc. Anyway, I think that self doubt is probably a necessary part of the development of personality which sounds like a very caring and thoughtful one in your daughter. All you can do is provide a stable and loving home environment and show her that you believe in her. I've no doubt you do this all the time!

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  4. Ah, thank you for your kind and considered response. Maybe self doubt is absolutely part of personal development, I hadn't really thought about it like that - as a Mum I always hurt so badly when she hurts and want to make it better. Thank you for the advice, Sarahx

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